


Dinner talks are overrated

by mymusings



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, M/M, Sex, This is weird, also sex toys included, and a tiny bit accident, i don't know what to tag, i feel stupid, just mentions of it, or not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 11:02:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4604286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymusings/pseuds/mymusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael had had the decency of hiding himself and Luke under the covers, but there wasn’t really much to make the situation any less awkward. The two boys looked like they didn’t know how to address the scene in front of them, didn’t know how to feel or what to think. </p><p>“Uh”, Calum broke the silence. “So, uh…Couldn’t figure out any more dramatic way to come out, couldn’t you?”</p><p>“I knew it”, was all Ashton was capable of whispering. </p><p>---<br/>Or, Luke gets an electronic dildo stuck in his ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dinner talks are overrated

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. I watched this weird show about sex accidents one night half asleep and this is the outcome. Probably sucks. Please tell me if it does, though, I promise I won't cry myself to sleep.

Michael was never really one to completely lose his shit in any freaky situation. Surely he would be overly dramatic and put on a show, but when it came down to real issues, he was usually able to keep his calm - something his almost embarrassingly large collection of video games had taught him. But this was different, this he had never expected. 

This wasn’t happening.

Michael had fallen asleep and he had been taken in some another reality, because the scene in front of him, - the scene he had pretty much been the cause of and in which he was playing the other role of the two characters - simply couldn’t be real. No. It wasn’t happening. No way. No fucking way. 

Except it was. Very real. Too fucking real.

And Michael was panicking. He was sure he’d soon face the truthfulness behind the expression of losing hair over stress and he didn’t really want to lose it and prove that everyone’s concerns had been justified - besides he liked himself better with hair. His hair was awesome. Very nice, the best in the band. But this was a disaster, a surreal mess and Michael couldn’t stop himself from ripping his black strands of hair and losing his mind. He would have to. Fuck. He would look awful with bald head. They would lose all the fans and the boys would kick him out of the band and he would end up back in his lonely ass man cave as a failed rock star and ---

“Michael, fucking _do something!_

Yeah. Right. He should do something. He was calm; he was the fucking king of calmness, and in control of the situation that couldn’t possibly be occurring. But it was, and he would do something. Just what?

“Do what?” he squeaked, very manly, he would claim even though all the dignity had pretty much rushed out of the room good five minutes ago. 

“ _Something_ ”, Luke wasn’t exactly screaming, he was more like hissing with very loud voice through gritted teeth and Michael was such an awful person. 

“Well, I’m sorry, it’s not like I’m exactly familiar with situations like this”, Michael was defending himself and he sure as hell deserved the daggers Luke’s eyes shot at him before he clenched them shut again with painful grimace. _Shit_. “I don’t know what to do, Luke, I'm so fucking sorry, I don’t---“'

“Michael, seriously, take it off”, the younger boy’s face was covered with sweat and his body was squirming in obvious agony. “Take it off, Michael. Take it off, you gotta take it off, I’m serious _TAKEITOFF!_ ”

Okay, if Michael wasn’t in the verge of mental breakdown earlier, now he was. Luke’s back arched and his hands were feverishly grabbing and clenching his naked butt and lower back. His chest was heaving and his blond hair was a mess on his head, part of the strands glued to his sweaty forehead. He would’ve looked fucking hot, and he did actually, yes, of course, but his brows were in a tight frown and face scrunched up. Luke was in pain and it was Michael’s fault. 

Michael shifted on the bed, positioning himself better. Blood was rushing through his ears and he could hear his heart beating so fast he thought it could quite literally just fly out of his chest. He put his hand on Luke’s shoulders, rubbed soothing circles on his thigh and chest and practically everywhere in desperate attempt to calm the panting boy down. “Babe, I can’t, we’ve tried already, remember? I can’t get access to it, it’s too deep”, Michael tried to force the panic out of his voice, his hands shaking. “I’m gonna, I have to…”his voice trailed off, mind racing in search for solution. There hadn’t been any instruction on the package that would tell how to deal in such circumstances, of course there hadn’t been. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. This shouldn’t be happening. This was bizarre. 

But Luke was whimpering on the bed, getting tangled with the sheets as he shifted uncomfortably, and Michael had to fix this fucking humiliating nightmare he had caused. “I’ll be right back, okay?” he quickly pecked the corner of Luke’s mouth before jumping out of bed and sprinting towards the door. Luke didn’t even seem to register his words, he was so out of it.

Michael was halfway through wrenching the door open before he realised he was completely naked with his now limp dick hanging between his thighs and somehow he thought the hotel staff wouldn’t really appreciate him running around the corridors, shoving his ass at innocent people’s faces. The possible paparazzi would like it, which was an obvious no. Also, he couldn’t leave Luke alone, that was a bigger factor. So, he made a leap to his phone and crawled back next to Luke on the bed. Despite the fact that he pulled him as gently as possible into his lap, the boy hissed in pain. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, Lukey”, Michael apologized and looked down on his phone that shook a little in his hands. “Also, here goes the nice plan of a nice band-dinner and nice conversation which will end up in a nice band hug and nice, long-lasting consensus. “

Luke wasn’t listening and Michael was rambling, and he really had to act. 

Before he could back off and listen to the coward in his head, he was dialing Ashton’s number. He had really no choice. He couldn’t figure out a way that would leave the other half of the band still oblivious to their literal fucking around, when Luke was in the state he was now.

“Ashton!” Michael practically screamed to the phone in his hand as the curly-haired boy answered after couple of seconds. “You gotta come here, like right now, it’s an emergency.” 

“I’m not bringing you and Luke more condoms”, he said immediately. And _wow_. “Calum isn’t either. Do you even use condom?”

“No we—no! No, this isn’t about…”Michael closed his eyes in frustration, also, the irony of their reaction was almost too ridiculous to pass. “Ash, I’m serious , get down here and hurry the fuck up!" Michael paused for a second, then continued in a small voice. "Please."

“Woah, Mike, I'm coming”, Ashton had had to hear the tone of Michael’s voice and the whispered 'please', because sounded seriously concerned “I’m coming. Where are you?”

“Here, I mean in mine- no, Luke’s room. “

“What’s wrong?” Michael could hear Calum’s muffled voice on the background and then Ashton repeating the question while a door slammed closed at the other end of the line.  
Well. What was wrong , indeed. This was gonna be awkward. Michael rubbed his face, he hadn’t really had time to figure out how the break the issue, the one which would prove their all couply-jokes true and the fucking huge issue that was turning his brain slowly into jelly. So he took a deep breath and just blurted out: 

“There’s an electronic dildo stuck in Luke’s arse.”

\---

Ashton and Calum stood in the middle of Luke’s hotel room and stared.

Michael had had the decency of hiding himself and Luke under the covers, but there wasn’t really much to make the situation any less awkward. The two boys looked like they didn’t know how to address the scene in front of them, didn’t know how to feel or what to think.  
.  
“Uh”, Calum broke the silence. “So, uh…Couldn’t figure out any more dramatic way to come out, couldn’t you?”

“I knew it”, was all Ashton was capable of whispering. 

“Look, this wasn’t exactly planned, wasn’t it?” Michael snapped back. He wanted to scream. Luke let out a groan, from pain or embarrassment, Michael wasn’t sure until he tried to hide his face into Michael’s armpit and mumbled: “Michael, kill me, please.”

“I mean we kinda knew already even though we didn’t really _know_ , but…yeah”, Calum’s eyes wandered down on Luke and the way he was clenching his jaw. “Do I wanna know how this happened? Or why?”

“If you like yourself at all, I don’t recommend” Ashton said, eyes still wide. 

“I do like myself. I won’t ask. I’m just gonna pretend this is completely normal and not weird at all and not wonder why in the hell would you need an electronic dildo in the first place, when I just found out you’re past the bromance level anyway”, Calum said. “This is fine.”

“Funny how bringing you condoms sounds almost appealing right now”, Ashton said. 

“Guys”, Michael waved his arm dramatically to catch their attention, frustration audible in his voice. He suppressed the urge to throw the bottle of lube that was on left on the nightstand at their faces. Twice. He didn’t allow himself to think that this was probably the biggest humiliation in his entire life so far, or Luke’s to be honest, he had to focus on the fact that Luke’s face had gone pale and he’s pupils were dilated. Michale’s stomach sank. He hated seeing Luke like this.

“This is serious, this is bad. Could you maybe, like, fucking focus on the fact that Luke’s in serious pain right now?!”

“Oh. Yeah”, Calum said in his still somehow shocked state. Then he frowned, horrified. “Is it still _on? The, uh, dildo.”_

“Oh my god”, Ashton gasped. 

“ _YES, IT IS STILL VERY MUCH On!_ ”Luke screamed suddenly, stiffening in Michael’s arms, back arching again. “And it’s moving further up every single second, don’t just fucking stand there, do something! I don’t wanna die a _dildo_ up in my ass.” Under the heat there was almost hysterical panic in his voice. 

That seemed to startle the other half of the band. “Okay, uh, okay”, Ashton gathered his thoughts. “I think you need professional help, Luke.”

“Well, no shit,” Luke grumbled, he was fuming, Michael could tell. 

Calum glanced sideways at Ashton. Michael knew he was probably thinking a clinique with professionals specialized for sex accidents. He couldn’t blame him, he was doing the same despite the seriousness of the situation.

“We need to get you to hospital, I think it needs to be operated out”, Ashton spoke, suddenly finding the role of the eldest again. “Calum, call the security, or the management. Yeah, call John.” He was right, they couldn’t just call an ambulance for a stuck dildo, sometimes their job description made things a whole lot more complicated. Being famous had it definite cons. 

“Why me, why—“

“ _Calum!_ ”

Calum dag out his phone and scattered very quickly in to the bathroom to get some privacy. Michael understood, he wouldn’t want to be the one calling John right now, because…Yeah. An unsettling thought crossed Michael’s mind. Management didn’t know about him and Luke, either. Oh God. Oh _fuck _. This was the worst day of his life. John was going to yell and skin them alive and then boil in acid. And then yell some more. What did he do to deserve this?__

__Fucked his best friend and band mate, apparently._ _

__Luke had other worries in his mind, though, “Oparated?”, he squealed. “Um, no thanks, I don’t need an operation. I’m fine. I’d like to keep this”, he rambled feverishly, shaking his head, suddenly not so eager to get rid of the foreign object in his rectum._ _

__Shit, Michael had forgotten the ridiculous fear Luke had for hospitals, especially when it included someone cutting him open or doing anything with anything sharp, really. Ashton grimaced too, regretting his words immediately._ _

__“Luke, babe”, Michael sighed and nuzzled his face into Luke’s sweaty neck, breathing in the heat of his body. His heart ached. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I didn’t mean to…Everything’s going to be all right, you’re gonna be okay, I promise.”_ _

__“No, no surgeries”, Luke was struggling against Michael’s arms. He held him tighter. “That’s a no.”_ _

__“Hey, I was just guessing, I’m sorry, Lukey”, Ashton stepped in. “Might be you don’t need any surgery, that’s very likely actually, they’re probably just gonna pull it out somehow”, he sounded reassuring, even though Michael knew he didn’t really think so. But Ashton was a good speaker, and a good friend. Michael watched as Ashton reached down and squeezed Luke’s shoulder softly, feeling the boy relax a bit in his arms. “Stop worrying about it, it’s not gonna help, you’re gonna be good.”_ _

__“Yeah, you’re doing great, babe”, Michael said his voice soft. Luke tried to sit up, just to fall back onto his side between Michael’s thighs with a sharp inhale between his teeth. Michael gulped, but pushed the worry away. “See? You can’t really keep it, I’m sorry. Besides, how’s my dick gonna fit there if there’s already something blocking its way?”_ _

__“How can you still fucking think about sex?” Luke groaned._ _

__“I’m a horny guy, what can I say”, Michael shrugged. “Didn’t really get to finish my business, anyway.”_ _

__“Remind me, why do I like you again?”_ _

__“Oh, I’m irresistible.”_ _

__Luke snorted and Michael smirked at him , which was cut short when he was hit with something soft on his face. “OI! What the---"_ _

__“Here”, Ashton said throwing another pair of sweatpants on the bed along with a loose sweatshirt and boxers. “Put them on, you don’t wanna stroll around naked. Besides, you’re gonna face a very unhappy John soon. ”_ _

__Ashton’s was right, once again that wise old man. Michael had just managed to dress himself and Luke with Ashton’s help, when someone knocked the door sharply._ _

__“May we rest in peace”, Luke whispered. He looked like he wanted to die on the very spot. Michael could relate._ _

___They were so screwed._  
\---  
It was Michael’s fault. 

__He had been the one to accidentally become obsessed with the idea of thrusting a wet, trembling dildo into Luke’s hole, his cock twisting for the image of Luke laying in front of him with spread thighs, letting him to do what he wanted - and couldn’t get over it without actually fulfilling his weird fantasy._ _

__It had started well; hot kisses, heated whispers and aching erections turning into groping hands everywhere, lovebites between thighs and lips on dicks. Pulling the electronic dildo into the picture, gently pushing it into Luke after opening him up, had gone well, too. It wasn’t until the low moans that had escaped from Luke’s throat had changed into high, first surprised, then painful cries, that Michael knew something was wrong. The awkward realization of exactly what had hit him when his fingers couldn’t pull out the buzzing dildo anymore._ _

__It had led him here. Sitting in a white hall on a grey chair, waiting for answers. As it turned out, Luke had needed the operation after all. Michael didn’t still fully understand how it was possible for a fucking dildo to push its way deeper on its own, but apparently it had had something to do with the shaking of the said object vand convulsing of Luke’s rectum. And now his boyfriend was lying somewhere on an operation table and Michael couldn't even do anything but regret the fact that he was ever born._ _

__But here they were, sitting in a row with Calum and Ashton, John pacing around and security guarding the doors. And Michael had never ever been as mortified as right now in the 19 years of his lifetime. They had managed to be subtle; Michael piggyback-riding Luke into the van - almost as sneakily as when he was buying the unfortunate sex toy - , while John and security were handling everything else, calling the hospital and making sure they weren’t followed. John had promised them a serious talk after things would be settled down, something Michael would rather pass._ _

__He groaned and rubbed his face with his hands; they had caused such a mess. He had basically hospitalized his boyfriend , not to mention their lead singer. What would they even say to fans that were expecting Luke to go maniac on the stage and would now only be able to barely walk? Would they have to cancel shows? God, he could already imagine the headlines: _5 Seconds of Summer cancelling shows due to recent events of their lead-singer getting hospitalized after a painful sex accident_. Just, fuck his life. _ _

__Michael sighed and sank further into his hands. He felt two arms wrapping around him and third one giving him a neck rub. ¨_ _

__“Stop sighing, it’s depressing”, Calum mumbled into his ear._ _

__Michael inhaled shakily. “I’m so so so sorry. We fucked up and now we have to cancel shows and it’s my fault and everybody’s gonna know and---“_ _

__“Hey”, Ashton squeezed his thigh, “No need to apologize, you couldn’t know this was gonna happen”, he reasoned._ _

__“Still.”_ _

__Calum hugged him tighter. “ Luke’s gonna be fine. This is fine. Everything is gonna be fine”, he paused. “You’re fine.”_ _

__And Michael knew he meant him and Luke, their relationship. His head snapped up. “You honestly think it’s fine? Like…we, me and Luke? ‘Cause I know it might fuck up the band dynamics and stuff and I know we can’t really come out like in public and---“_ _

__“Michael”, Ashton cut him off again. His hazel eyes had this intense look, the one he had when he wanted people believe him. And Michael did. “It’s fine. It really is. You might be my new favourite couple, in fact.”_ _

__“Who were they before?”_ _

__“Me and Bryana, duh.”_ _

__“Oh. Right. We can top that.”_ _

__“I take my words back. Bitch”, Ashton punched him in the arm. “But seriously , I know you’ve been crushing onto each other since forever.”_ _

__“Since year nine”, Calum pointed out._ _

__Michael blushed. "Shut up”, he glared Calum, but felt this weird warmness spreading in his chest._ _

__They knew before he even did._ _

__\---_ _

__Luke was high._ _

__He was lying on the bed, propped up against pillows and smiling goofily at them. His hair was flat against his forehead, skin pale, lips chapped and bright blue eyes glassy with anesthetic - and Michael had never been more endeared by him. He wanted to climb in the bed with him and drown him with cuddles and soft kisses and then fall asleep Luke against his chest. He wouldn’t, though, mainly because Luke’s ass was probably sore as hell and because John was still in the room and it would bring the awkwardness on the whole new level. So, he settled into hugging him softly, nuzzling his nose against his cheek, lips brushing softly against the little stubble Luke had._ _

__“I’m so sorry, Lukey” he whispered, lingering in the warmth of Luke’s neck pit. He swallowed down the sudden burning behind his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”_ _

__“Not your fault, you stupid big bug”, Luke said back too loudly for a whisper and giggled. “God, I feel funny. Am I funny? I think I’m funny.”_ _

__Michael pulled out of the hug, swallowing back the sudden thickness in his throat and chuckled . “It’s called being high, you lightweight. “_ _

__“I think I like being high”, Luke concluded and then giggled shyly. And Michael had to restrain him doing something very unmanly, because, fuck, too damn cute._ _

__“Enjoy while it lasts”, Ashton said, ruffling the younger boy’s hair, grinning widely. They were all so relieved he was okay. “Not gonna find you pot after this.”_ _

__“Oohhh”, Luke’s eyes widened, head snapping towards Ashton. “That would be cool.”_ _

__“Ash, watch what you’re saying. You’re giving my boyfriend bad ideas.”_ _

__And just like that the word had slipped from his mouth. The conversation continued, however, no one stopped and stumbled over their words and Michaelt thought he could get used to this. Calling Luke his boyfriend, and not just whispering it into darkness after sneaking into Luke’s bed secretly, but actually saying it out loud in front of people who acknowledged their relationship._ _

__“I think it’s you who’s influencing our innocent youngster”, Calum raised his eyebrows. “Sex toys, in his arse? Honestly? I don’t approve.”_ _

__Luke giggled wildly. “It was fun at first. Then it wasn’t.”_ _

__"Oh my God" Ashton shook his head, laughing. "Why do you tell us so much?"_ _

__Suddenly remembering John’s existence, Michael’s eyes flew to him, who met his and – Michael had to look twice – gave him an eye roll. Just what. Michael stared at John, who just shook his head and stood forward to squeeze Luke’s shoulder. “Get some rest, buddy. I’m gonna go make some calls and clean up this mess you’ve made. You’re lucky you don’t have any shows in the next couple of days”, John directed his words at Michael, but there were no heat behind them. “And by the way, we’re saying people you broke your tailbone, Luke, just so you know to stick to the story. It’s as close the truth we can get now.”_ _

__Once again, Michael couldn’t be more than grateful._ _

__Luke, however, they found out soon, had troubles playing along with the story._ _

__“Hey, mom”, he chirped to the phone that no one managed to snatch from him in time. Michael bet Liz had already found out about Luke being hospitalized, fans letting her know everything through Twitter. And he really didn't have it in to rip the phone off Luke's ear when he looked so delighted, blue eyes shining. He was a mama's boy after all. “Guess what, I’m high”._ _

__“Holy fuck”, Calum breathed. Yes indeed._ _

__“Noooo, no, I’m fine”, Luke shook his head on the phone, answering Liz's obviously alerted questions. “Oh, but you don’t know”, his eyes widened. “I had---“_ _

__“ _THE STORY, LUKE!_ ” was whisper-shouted from all the three other mouths. Luke managed to look a bit confused, but not enough to stop talking._ _

__“--- a dildo stuck in my bum”._ _

__Shit. Goddamn holy motherfucking big shit._ _

__Apparently Luke was oblivious to the dead silence that had just filled the room as the three other boys stood frozen, staring straight ahead. Michael was slowly and very surely dying, but Luke didn't know. He kept babbling on. “You know, me and Michael were just---“_ _

__That’s when Michael leaped forward and ripped the phone out of Luke’s hands, ears ringing. “Hey, Liz! Uh, I’m so sorry, Luke’s just a bit high on meds, he doesn’t really know what he’s talking about. What he really meant to say is, that he fell down and broke his tailbone. Nasty accident, but he’s fine. “Michael’s voice was probably an octave higher than normally. Not suspicious at all._ _

__“He didn’t though, did he?” Liz asked calmly._ _

__What?_ _

__Liz sighed on the other end of the line. “Is he okay?" It took a while from Michael to fins his voice. "Yeah, yes. He's fine, I think." "Good, I think", she added, too. Then continued sounding a bit amused, which couldn't be right. "Michael, I know my son, and I know when he’s having crush on someone. I’ve known how he’s felt about you. I’ve known. So don’t try to pull anything up. This wasn’t really a surprise, your obvious relationship, I mean”, she paused for a second, like she was trying to restrain herself from saying something else. “ Just…next time be more careful when you, um, decide you need some---“_ _

__“Okay, thank you! I got the point! But, wait. You’ve known? How?”_ _

__Liz chuckled. “I’m his mother, for love of God. Mothers know these type of things.”_ _

__“Oh. Okay.”_ _

__“And, I recommend a bit more cleaned up version for Karen and Daryl, Mikey. I’ve come prepared, you know, touring with you boys for a year and everything. Just, tell it a bit more nicely to them, yeah?”, she sounded like she wasn’t sure if she should laugh or groan in frustration._ _

__Michael felt his cheeks heat up. “Uh, you’re probably right", he cleared his throat. "Sorry about that.”_ _

__“Just make him call me when he’s come down, okay? I'd like to talk to him. I’m happy for you, kids, though. ”_ _

__Michael dropped the phone on the nightstand and shook his head in awe._ _

__“She knew, did she?” Ashton asked, grinning._ _

__Michael nodded, still not fully comprehending it. “Yeah. This is…Yeah.”_ _

__Suddenly Michael was hit with a sloppy slap on his arm._ _

__“Mikeyyyy”, Luke was pouting now. “Come to bed with me, please”, he made grabby hands at him and honestly, who could resist such an adorable human being. Michael chuckled little and gently climbed onto the hospital bed, careful not to hurt Luke. He pushed his nose into Luke’s shoulder and breathed his scent. He smelt like sweat and hospital. Underneath that, he smelt like Luke._ _

__Ashton and Calum sat on the edge of the bed, as well, and the ridiculousness of the whole fucking day hit Michael. He sniggered. “Luke, you got a dildo stuck in your ass.”_ _

__They were quiet for a second and then exploded into hysterical laughter. The stress of the day seemed to be erased, the lump in his throat gone. God, this felt good. So fucking good._ _

__“Mate, you realise you’re not gonna be able to have sex in a while, do you?” Calum smirked devilishly after a while, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand._ _

__Michael’s laughing stopped dead. “Shut up. never speak to me again. Luke, we’re never ever gonna put anything into your ass again unless it’s my dick.”_ _

__“Or fingers”, Luke nodded looking very serious. “Sometimes mine.”_ _

__“Holy fuck, guys”, Ashton half chuckled, half groaned. “Don’t wanna hear about your sex life.”_ _

__“You’re just jealous, ‘cause it’s more eventful than yours.”_ _

__“Yeah, the occasional sex toys jammed in ass bring a little spice to it?”_ _

__Calum sniggered. “Well, at least we know now which one bottoms.”_ _

"I always thought it would be Michael."

__“I hate you all. I hate this band. I hate you.”_ _

__Michael really didn’t._ _

__\---_ _

__Years later, when Michael was asked how he and Luke had came out, had it been tough, Michael would smirk and say it made quite a story. Luke would blush and claim he didn't really remember any of it._ _


End file.
